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Guest blogger: Justin Russotti, Stand Up Guys<\/p>\nGuest blogger: Justin Russotti, Stand Up Guys<\/p>\n
Justin co-facilitates Delphi\u2019s RESPECT batterer intervention program and through Resolve of Greater Rochester, developed a curriculum that initiates discussion around intimate partner violence with high school and college students.\u00a0 Justin also works as a research project coordinator and therapist at Mt. Hope Family Center.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n A 24 year old Brooklyn architect, Charles Sonder, was riding the subway when a physical fight erupted between a man and a woman.\u00a0 Sonder, while eating a bag of potato chips, casually got up and stood between the man and woman while continuing to snack away.\u00a0 Now revered as the infamous, \u201cSnack Man\u201d, his strong, silent, and peace-keeping actions have labeled him as a true stand up guy.<\/strong> <\/i><\/p>\n Stand Up Guys, a part of Resolve of Greater Rochester, aims to shift the responsibility of eradicating violence against women from women to men. \u00a0For years, gender-based violence has been addressed either through risk reduction with women (putting the responsibility on the victim to avoid violence), or through secondary and tertiary interventions designed for perpetrators. \u00a0While this work is necessary and essential, there is a growing initiative to address men as \u201cpartners\u201d of women in the early, primary prevention of gender-based violence. \u00a0While not all men perpetrate violence against women, all<\/b> men have a role in preventing it by examining their own potential for violence, by intervening against the violence of other men, and by addressing it\u2019s root causes.<\/p>\n These efforts can be subtle, but impactful. When a friend tells me he just got done talking to a, \u201cchick\u201d, I call him on it. \u00a0Unless he developed a recent affinity for baby birds, I assume he meant to say \u201cwoman\u201d and I make a point to remind him of that. \u00a0I know, I know\u2026who brought the \u201cBuzzkill Bob\u201d right? But addressing the small, everyday issues is how we start to change a culture. \u00a0For the average, well-intentioned guy, this is the area where we have the ability to be most effective.<\/p>\n See, most men don\u2019t commit domestic violence, or what the field is now starting to call, intimate partner violence, but they also don\u2019t mind cashing in on the benefits of a male dominated culture; therein lies the rub.\u00a0 This is called the \u201cpatriarchal dividend\u201d, or the benefit all men get from a patriarchal society. \u00a0A story from my friend, Jack, nails this on the head.\u00a0 He had a bunch of older sisters growing up and they all had a strict curfew of 10 pm, but ol\u2019 Jacky-boy, being a male, got to stay out as late as he wanted. \u00a0Now, Jack felt bad for his sisters and he could see the inequality there, but Jack sure as heck wasn\u2019t about to walk up to his parents and say, \u201cHey, this whole thing is unfair, why don\u2019t you hold me to the same curfew as my sisters.\u201d<\/p>\n See, even when men can recognize the ills of patriarchy, many of them aren\u2019t willing to \u201cchange a good thing.\u201d \u00a0I\u2019m guilty of it myself, at times. \u00a0I beat the drum all day about this stuff and then, I come home to my partner, and as we talk about marriage, the prospect of us both hyphenating our last name is brought up and I\u2019m all, \u201cSay what now\u2026?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s a sweet deal for a heterosexual man to get married; you get to keep your name and identity, you don\u2019t have to change your license, or go by a new name professionally\/personally, etc.\u00a0 That would be privilege I\u2019d have to give up. \u00a0But, as a man, I have two options there; I can try and justify the inequality for my own convenience\u2026or\u2026I can check myself, practice what I preach, and recognize the inequality in something that I\u2019m traditionally granted just for simply being born a man.<\/p>\n Men\u2019s lives improve when women\u2019s do\u2026 A rising tide raises all ships.<\/i> \u00a0It seems like an easy sell, right? \u00a0Unfortunately, many notions of masculinity, manhood, and dominant male culture stand in the way of treating women with respect and dignity. \u00a0As men, we receive societal messages that our \u201cmanhood\u201d is defined by being \u201cdominant\u201d, \u201cin control\u201d and \u201cemotionally\/mentally strong.\u201d \u00a0Just think of the phrase, \u201cBe a man.\u201d \u00a0It\u2019s almost always used to tell the individual to stop whatever emotion it is they are feeling and to bottle it up. \u00a0A young boy falls and starts crying\u2014\u201cBe a man, suck it up, you\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n